The Portal of EPICOCITY!: Pandasan
by TheSponsor
Summary: The sequel to The Portal of EPICOCITY! - Sonikku.  The adventures of me and my me-ness continue now with L, Light, and other people I chose to include because they are likable like that. :3


Sonikku was favourited! I read the message not two minutes before writing, and I danced around the room. My brother looked up from his halo game with very little interest.

Here it is! The long anticipated (by me...) Portal of EPICOCITY II! (I like exclamation points!)

I don't own Death Note. Sad face. I'm incapable of expressing human emotions. That's why I have to say sad face instead of actually making a sad face.

The Portal of EPOCOCITY!

Death Note

James crossed his fingers with his eyes squeezed shut, muttering, "Master Chief, Master Chief, Master Chief!"

I pressed the big, red button, well aware that this would cause another disturbance in time and space. I didn't particularly care.

The portal in my bathtub whirred and spun around. I like it when things spin. Stationary objects are so boring in comparison. (OMIGOSH! I spelled comparison right! Happy face! I could've sworn the red squiggly was gonna come up. That and the paper clip in the top right of the screen. CURSE YOU PAPER CLIP!)

A boy in a suit and tie dropped onto my bathroom floor. I jumped about with excitement. James danced joyfully. Sure, it wasn't Master Chief, but...

"Light Yagami!" I shrieked. "Welcome to my bathroom!"

Light pulled himself up, eyeing me curiously. He felt in his jacket pocket, but found whatever it was he was looking for.

L, Near, Mello, and Misa all fell on top of each other on the cold tiles and groaned. I glomped L and Near. No one else in the room was worthy of my glomping.

While I admired Misa's outfit, I remembered how much she annoyed me and how the sound of her voice made my ears bleed. I threw her back into the portal.

"What was that for?" Light cried. I shrugged.

"What are we all doing here?" Mello asked.

"Ooh!" I giggled. "I know what I can do with you!"

"She objectified us," L pointed out.

I pulled out my phone and called Ross. "Ross, guess who I have in my bathroom with me!"

The silence revealed Ross' discomfort at this question. "Uh..."

"L, Near, Light, and Mello!"

"Awesome!"

"Yeah, but you didn't want to come watch Death Note with me at my house, and you didn't call when you said you were going to invite me to an anime marathon at your house, so..."

"I said I was sorry."

"Too late! I spit in your face!"

I hung up in a dignified manner.

"That was... barbaric," Near commented impartially.

My eyes started to water and my bottom lip quivered. Near glanced about as if he was checking to see if anybody else could see me. I fell over on the ground and sobbed hysterically. James rolled his eyes and shoved a couple of the pills my nice doctor had given me down my throat to shut me up. Light seemed to be the most freaked out.

"You seem rather nervous, Light," I said, regaining my composure. "Is it because YOU'RE KIRA!"

"Yes, Light," L joined in. "Is it because you're Kira?"

"LOL," I chuckled, "I have a friend named Kira. Of course, she doesn't kill my Panda-san!"

Everyone exchanged glances. L pointed to himself. I nodded.

"Don't pick on Light!" James snapped. "You're just upset because he's smarter than you!"

"Na-ah!" I retorted.

"Yeah-hah!"

"Na-ah!"

"Yeah-hah!"

"Na-"

"Please," Mello cut in, "just... shut... up!"

James and I stared at him for a few moments before laughing. We clutched our stomachs and stumbled around, trying to keep our ballance.

"Your voice is so funny!" I managed to wheeze. "If a maggot could talk, that's what it would sound like. Although, your leather DOES make up for it."

"Can you send us back, please?" L requested.

"Aw, won't you all join us for some cake? I got it especially."

James frowned curiously, but he didn't say anything.

I took everyone into the dining room and presented a soccer ball on the table. L in particular was rather displeased.

"That's a soccer ball," Light observed.

"Oh, yeah!" I agreed sarcastically. "Boy genius must be right."

"I must agree with Light on this one," L added. "That is indeed a soccer ball."

"So?"

"So, I believe we were promised cake."

"YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH MY COOKING!"

Mello pulled out a gun and held it to my head with frustration. My dad walked by, paused for a moment, then shook his head before continuing on.

"Maybe everyone should just calm down," Near suggested blankly as he twirled his white hair.

I sniffed the gun and licked it a little. Mello jumped back with wide eyes. I laughed at him.

"How much sugar have you had today?" James asked.

"None. I'm still hyped from that energy drink on Friday."

"Can we go, now?" Light groaned.

"SILENCE, KIRA!"

"I'M NOT KIRA!"

"SAYS YOU, BUTTFACE!"

"WHAT!"

"Ah, her trademark, stupid insult," James sighed. "Rin, stop bullying Light. It's only because you have a crush on L."

"Noooooooooo! L is too old! He can be my Onii-san."

L didn't seem offended.

"I have crush on Near!"

Near raised his eyebrows in confusion. My face turned red, and my eyes bulged to the size of beach balls. I banged my head on the table and cried like a baby. L patted me on the back awkwardly.

"Okay, this is getting ridiculous," I grumbled, suddenly snapping out of my sorrowfully embarrassed state. "It's difficult to write fanfiction with so many characters."

I dragged Mello back into the bathroom and tossed him into the portal.

"Why does he get to leave?" Light asked impatiently.

"Because he was the most expendable. I would've thrown you through as well, but your Jamie's favouritest, and that would make him cry."

"I don't want to cry," said James.

"I'm not your favourite?" Light inquired, a little insulted.

"No, you bore me. You're boring. Boring Yagami should be your name, for you are boring... and evil. Boring Evillini!" I stuck my tongue out at him rudely. "L's my favouritest."

"I thought I was your favouritest," said Near. "I mean, favourite."

"No, you're just a close second who's about my age."

Near shrugged. He didn't seem to mind.

"Hey, you guys wanna play the Halo?" I offered. I herded them all downstairs and turned on the Xbox without waiting for an answer. "There are too many players, so Kira is not permitted to play."

"I'm not Kira!" Light snapped.

"I don't believe I said anything about you," I said suspiciously with a glare.

"I didn't hear anything like that," L agreed with his thumb wedged between his lips.

"Don't chew you nails!" James commanded. "Light can play if he wants."

"Oh, sure," I moaned, "stick up for your girlfriend."

"It's okay," Light assured. "I really, REALLY don't want to play."

I was satisfied.

L looked funny playing Xbox, crouching on the sofa and holding his hands out like spiders across the controller. James kept shooting L and Near and tea-bagging them, crying, "If you're so smart, why are you dead?" I got my vengeance. Don't you worry about that.

"Is there a point to this game," Near asked, "or is it just pointless killing?"

"Pointless killing," I nodded, "but there's a reason for the killing in campaign."

Matt dropped out of the ceiling.

"OMIGOSH! GLOMP!"

L turned to me. "Why did you say 'glomp' just now?"

"Because I am too lazy to get up and actually glomp him."

Matt brushed himself off, readjusted his goggles, and lit a cigarette.

"No!" I protested, smacking the cigarette out of his hand and onto the carpet. A fire started. "Oh, no."

Chief Yagami and Matsuda landed on the other couch with yelp.

"Matsu!" I cried. "And... Commissioner Gordon!"

"Ah, Mister Yagami," James greeted. "Listen, I can save you a lot of time. Your son's Kira."

"What? Why do you say that?"

"Light can't be Kira!" Matsuda added.

"This boy clearly adores Light," L thought aloud. "Why would he so openly say that he was Kira?"

Light was visibly uncomfortable with this conversation.

"Because he's just mean like that," I answered. "Isn't that right, Jamie?"

"Yeah, I'm just mean like that."

"Uh, are you all aware of the burning carpet?" Matt inquired.

"Hey, Light, what's that in you jacket pocket?"

Light looked down at the black notebook sticking out of his jacket. "A notebook."

"A notebook of death?"

"Why would it be a notebook of death?"

"BECAUSE YOU ARE KIRA!"

"I'M NOT KIRA!"

"Okay, so what kind of notebook is it?"

"Just the kind I write notes in."

"Can I read it?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's private, and, frankly, I don't like you very much."

"Aw... You're a poopy!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me, Poopy."

"Yeah," Matt cut in, "flaming rug."

"Oh, Matt," said James, "when did you get here?"

Matt seemed displeased.

"I love your googles," I complimented.

"My... googles?"

"Yes, your googles. I have some googles, too."

"Do you mean my goggles?"

"Yeah, googles."

"Okay... What about the inferno growing in the middle of the room?"

"Quit complaining! You're a terrible guest, but you make up for it by being so hot."

"Which brings about a new question. Where am I?"

"My house."

"Where is your house?"

"Why do you wanna know where I live? Are you a stalker?"

James gave me some more pills.

"Well, I suppose we should send them back before we get anymore leaks," I sighed.

"There is a god," Light muttered under his breath.

"A GOD OF DEATH?"

"I'M NOT KIRA!"

"That's just what Kira would say, and I don't mean my friend from drama class."

"Notice how he isn't the least bit surprised at the mention of a god of death?" Near pointed out. "Also, he knew that it was an accusation of him being Kira. I at least thought it was yet another one of your... outbursts."

"You love my outbursts," I winked.

"Indeed," L agreed. "I am now interested in seeing this notebook of yours, too."

Light casually pulled out the book and handed it to L.

"I've been keeping track of all of Kira's murders," he explained.

"It says Death Note on the front," L observed.

"I didn't make it. It was just a cheap book is all."

Near, Matt, Matsuda, and Light's father all peered over L's shoulders to look at the notebook.

"So, what's with that bit in the front?" I asked, not even taking my eyes off of Light.

L flicked to the front of the notebook. "The human whose name is written in the note shall die," he read. "We shall have to test that when we return."

Light suddenly started gagging and drooling all over my couch. Jerk. He died in my house of a heart attack. Soichiro Yagami held the limp body in his arms and cried like a big baby.

"A-a heart attack?" Matsuda gasped. "But... that means..."

"Another Kira?" Near guessed, looking up at his mentor and twirling his hair.

"Possibly," said L, clicking his thumbnail between his teeth despite James' previous scolding, "and it is possible that it may be one of our hosts."

James laughed hysterically. I cried until my tears put out the fire on the carpet. For some reason, Matt thought it was safe to stick another cigarette in his mouth. I smacked it away before he even had the chance to light it and went back to bawling my eyes out.

"How could you say that, Panda-san? You're too cruel!"

"Okay, I'll send you guys home. Take the corpse with you."

"NO!" I cried, grabbing Near by the shirt. "Near must stay."

"But-"

"THOSE ARE MY DEMANDS!"

"You mean THAT is your demand."

James peeled Near away from me and left me to wallow in my own self-pity and tears. When he came back, he kept playing Halo by himself until I eventually composed myself.

"Hey, Rin."

"Yeah?"

James pulled the Death Note out of his shirt with a wry smirk. We chuckled quietly to each other. Our chuckles turned into sadistic laughs.

"Why are you laughing?" James asked, his face suddenly completely serious.

My smile slipped away and I went back to crying on the singed carpet.


End file.
